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Hit Man Dreams

at night in my head i'm a killer a vision in black walking the streets seeking weakness like a missile hunting the damned the wrecks and during the day behind my sunglasses i see targets i see crosshairs and cut throats a cutthroat worldview of vengeance and in my dreams i still see you with your head lolling and i still remember you saying goodbye and i still remember going to see that movie with you and waiting in the lobby while you called and how i drove home much too fast how i remembered that i don't have a home that i have a day job i have work and work is my home and that i broke down and only remember it because you told me i put my fist through a window and i didn't even notice the blood until it was dried on my hand and fingers it seems the only thing keeping me alive these days is the screaming in my head the revenge in my hands in my fists in my fingertips and getting even is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning and gets me going and gets me i hate myself awake and i hate myself to sleep but i hate you the rest of the time i dream about ways of making you atone of devising your penance but none are severe enough for your sins and no amount of scrubbing will take that blood off your hands only blood will suffice to erase the memories to wash away the stains you left behind from your selfish midlife crisis selfcentered selfimposed imprisonment and selfdisposed denial because of course you aren't to blame for any of this and nothing is your fault but these were all things resulting from the bed you made to fuck her in and i have no choice but to listen to the celestial ghosts howling for a reckoning and someday i'll be there with a bullet which i have carefully scratched your name in i don't think you'll see me but i hope your last thought is son of a

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Last modified on Wednesday, March 26, 2008