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Darkness On The Edge Of Town

i used to have better stories to tell but that was a long time ago now i just spend my time riding around this town dodging taxis and buses i don't worry much about normal cars minivans and such drive sanely but the buses and taxis worry me when i'm riding home i usually just go around them but the other night i wound up swearing at a cabbie through his open window and bloodying my knuckles on the front fender of his car but at least i left a nice dent

i love the city when it's active in the late afternoon when everyone is hurrying home from work and leaving but then the city is empty and lonely and it seems like the steam rising off the streets isn't enough to mask what i feel and my sunglasses don't hide the tears when they hit my cheeks i'm so angry now angry all the time and i can't let go of what i've been feeling i don't hate everyone and i'm trying to stop hating i'm trying to stop feeling like there's nothing good left to feel after i've lost everything

i feel like i should tell a story though so let me relate this one

she came over the night my mother died and we talked we were sitting on my bed chainsmoking cigarettes and she looked at me her hair framing her face and she said you are so beautiful to me she said she had loved me for six years and i said come here and she crawled across my mattress and kneeled near me and i said no come here and she curled up next to me and put her head on my chest and yes i kissed her that night i kissed her on the forehead and she looked at me and said you bastard and then i told her to kiss me and she did and oh it was like nothing i had known before i tasted her tongue her lips my hands curled in her hair pulling her closer and i wanted more i wanted everything i wanted everything i had lost back again i wanted all the time all the days all the years she and i hadn't spoken i wanted to make up for what we had lost and i wanted to forget what i had just seen i wanted to rip her shirt open and kiss her neck i wanted her to rake her fingernails down my back leaving long red stripes and i wanted her to want me and i wanted her i wanted to feel her skin against mine her hands touching my lips i wanted those nights when i hugged her as a friend to be nights when i had embraced her as a lover as someone who would share her bed body and desires as someone who would and had fulfilled them i wanted to lose myself in her and i wanted her to lose herself in me each of us unable to tell where we ended and the other began just getting real real gone in hours of kisses daddy-o touching and caressing fingertips sliding down arms and breasts lingering over nipples and i wanted her in my mouth and i wanted my tongue inside her and i wanted to be nestled between her legs with my mouth on her lips kissing her and watching the muscles on the insides of her thighs quiver and shake as she came and i kissed her with all these thoughts in my head and my bed the ghosts of a different dream remaining and did i feel guilty about these things about my wants and desires given that i had found my mother's body only 24 hours before no i wanted these things more than ever i wanted her more than ever i wanted to leave this town and everything it offered behind forever and go somewhere anywhere else where i could disappear and erase the rest i woke up the next morning with my arms around her both of us fully clothed and somewhat rested the early morning sun creeping in like a thief like a spy gathering intelligence and finding only potential lovers embracing and then she left me with a kiss and i had and had lost everything i had never dreamed of in one night

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Last modified on Wednesday, March 26, 2008