Ache
lately i've been trying to nullify my life to avoid anything that feels good anything that feels because right now even the most pleasant sensations are more reminiscent of salted razor blade suicide cuts done properly in warm water with a tall drink along for the ride and a bottle of pills just for insurance to make sure the job gets done
i'm not suicidal nor have i been i'm merely self-destructive smoking and drinking blackout monday nights and hungover tuesday mornings waking up on someone else's floor and calling yet another friend for a ride to my car it's just that feeling anything right now seems less pleasant than such a terminal proposition and yet i'm in love i'm in love with you for all those hours of conversation coffee is all we need coffee and a dark room and all i need to hear is your voice i just need to hear you whispering that you love me i'm not incapable of feeling pleasure it's just that the only thing which makes me happy is hearing your voice on the other end of long distance phone lines and i want you here and i want you now i want you here now and i want you